Governmentium - Heaviest chemical element know to science?

A leading scientist sent me this....

A major research institution in Mumbai , India , has recently
announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to
science. The new element has been named Governmentium. Governmentium
has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4
days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 4 years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of
the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists
to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a
certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as Critical Morass.


You will know it when you see it.